Hey there,

I finished my last philosophy exam today. And I don't know about you, but the last few months went by in a blur. It's this weird dissonance: Easter seems so far away, but also, it could've been yesterday.

Somewhere in this time scramble, I stopped to reflect on my previous exam period earlier this year. How stressed I was, how anxious, how tense. And more generally: how much I let external factors dictate my self-worth. I remember getting a grade in theoretical philosophy that was below my expectations and spiraling into doubt.

This time, some of the edginess was still there, sure. But it had different qualities -- ease, effortlessness, spontaneity.

What changed?

The cause is a strange one. See, throughout my last exams, I was immensely committed to learning from my mistakes, incorporating feedback, and maturing as a thinker and writer. It sounds great on paper. But perhaps I was too committed. Today, I realize that I had imposed too much growth on myself. I was so eager to brush up on my supposed wrongdoings that I never paused to see what I was doing right.

What many people call the "growth mindset" had become my greatest enemy.

So today, I want to explore the problems with having a growth mindset, and what a more reasonable approach to growth might look like.

The problem with the 'growth mindset'

First, let's clarify what having a growth mindset actually means. Here's how Carol Dweck, the leading researcher on this topic, puts it:

In a nutshell:

• Growth mindset: skills are learnable, and any goal is achievable if you're willing to work for it.
• Fixed mindset: skills are predetermined, and some goals are unachievable even if you were willing to work for them.

The person who tells themselves, "Oh, I'm just not good at coding/singing/[insert arbitrary skill]," has a fixed mindset. The person who says, "I'm just not good at said skill yet," has a growth mindset.

It's the Yet that makes all the difference.

Now, it's important to note that we don't crawl out of the womb with one of these mindsets. Rather, they're like seeds that we can choose to cultivate. Whenever we say something like, "I'll never be good at this," we water the fixed mindset. Conversely, when we say, "I could get good at this if I put in the time and effort," we nourish the growth mindset."

It shouldn't surprise us that people with a growth mindset generally make greater progress toward their goals. It helps them move on from failure, discover new opportunities, and focus on doing the work. Progress replaces paralyzation.

So far so good.

However.

We should also acknowledge that the growth mindset isn't always fruitful. For me, it came with a hefty suitcase of problems that unfolded into a wide array of misery:

• Overvaluing growth
• Pressure to excel in everything
• Suppressing emotions

Let's break them down.

The first problem with the growth mindset is that it puts growth on a pedestal. It sneakily suggests we should grow like bamboo on fertilizer: work harder, strategize more, get more feedback. Then, rinse and repeat. If we're not growing, the mindset implies, we're fixed. Stuck in place. And that's bad because we're not making progress toward our goals.

No progress: no growth.
No growth: no good.

But this thinking transforms growth into a fetish. A cover-up strategy to stroke an ego with unmet needs. Isn't it that we find fulfillment in small, ordinary moments rather than in the hunt for the next-best milestone? When can we stop growing and just... be?

The second problem with the growth mindset is that it doesn't allow for mediocracy. It can easily invoke pressure to grow in literally ALL aspects of life. As in: it's not enough to grow as a friend, partner, or parent. You should also get better at your job, your guitar skills, your knitting project. It's a never-ending list of demands.

But this is an illusion.

Given life's finitude, we must make sacrifices. Our limited lifetime forces us to make tough choices, and believing that we must grow in everything is more likely to lead to growth in nothing. A more fruitful approach might be to adopt a growth mindset in the few, curated areas that matter most. For the rest, a fixed mindset is more than enough.

And last but not least...

The third problem with the growth mindset is that it leaves little room for sorrow, disappointment, and other uncomfortable emotions. If the growth mindset were a person, its emotional support would look like this: "Oh, that's too bad you failed the exam. But hey, I'm sure you'll learn a lot from this!"

Or like this: "Cheer up! It's just a depressive episode. Someday, you'll look back on this and marvel at how much you've grown!"

Yeah... no.

More often than not, we just need assurance that failure, rejection, and adversity suck. That we're not alone in these feelings. That it's okay to be stuck. That we don't need to jump back on the growth treadmill and optimize ourselves. And that instead, we're allowed to feel shitty for a while and let all the uncomfortable emotions pass through our system.

Sometimes, we must take one step back to start walking in the right direction.

***

Ultimately, these problems led me back to a question that already brought me clarity in many other situations:

What might we be trying to achieve by doing this?

In this case: What might we be trying to achieve by adopting a growth mindset?

Do you want to grow because it genuinely leads to the person you strive to become? Or is growth just a tool to please others, suppress emotions, and serve the gods of the growth mindset?

At the end of the day, growth is essential for all life forms. Humans just have the built-in quirk that, besides physical growth, we also crave spiritual growth. The growth mindset does acknowledge this. But we must never forget that seeds need their time to evolve, to blossom, to grow. Even the most resistant plant will wither if you drown it in water, sunlight, and fertilizer. Active growth is inseparable from passivity.

It was this realization that made my exam period feel effortless: the simple shift from overcommitment to commitment. From constantly watering to occasionally watering.

And so, the problems with the growth mindset will dissipate into fruition once we acknowledge that the term "growth" prerequires pauses, slack, and mediocracy.

Real growth demands us -- occasionally -- not to grow.

Until next time,

Stephan

Thanks for reading! To respond, just hit reply. I love getting questions, feedback, and comments and they're (by far) my biggest motivators to keep writing this newsletter. If you know someone who'd enjoy this email, simply forward it or share this link: [ARCHIVE URL GOES HERE].