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Thoughtful Thursday | Meditations on The Good Life

How to turn bad into good

Published almost 2 years ago • 5 min read


This newsletter is a fortnightly meditation on living a more intentional, fulfilled life.
Every edition includes exclusive updates, intriguing ideas, and meaningful content recommendations.

Today: Green flags in relationships and turning bad into good


Bob-Ross-inspired art I made last week

Hey there!

Last week I visited a few close friends from college. It was a fairly long and expensive journey but hey: We hadn't seen each other in months and I realized I needed to nurture my relationships after spending so much time abroad. In fact, this is a harsh truth I learned after leaving college. Making and maintaining friends as an adult is so incredibly rough.

Compared to school or college, where you're always surrounded by like-minded people, you need to put in a lot more effort as an adult. But then again: if you try to maintain a relationship with everyone, you'll likely have a relationship with no one. You lose yourself in superficialities, try to make people like you, and change your personality to a mass-manufactured blob.

I know because I've been there.

One of the tools that help me machete my way through this messy jungle are green flags.

Now, everyone knows about red flags -- signs you should leave a relationship. But I think green flags are at least equally important. They're hints you should deepen certain relationships and make them a centerpiece of your life. Here are some I've been thinking about:

  • They avoid groundless drama.
  • They leave you buzzing with energy and excitement.
  • They show genuine interest for your life and emotions.
  • You don't always have to be the one reaching out/visiting.
  • They give their honest opinion without stopping to support you.

Focusing on what vibes, rather than what doesn't, is the foundation for more optimistic, less cyncial perspective on relationships. And life in general.

Anyway, I had a great time with my friends. Green flag armada. But on my way back home, something crazy happened...


Idea: How to turn bad into good

I was sweating when I finally reached the train. I looked at my watch. 6:10 pm. Phew, still on time!

But my efforts were in vain. The train didn't depart at 6:12 pm, as planned. It simply remained in the station. I sensed people around me getting nervous -- hissing voices, bags rustling, annoyed sighs -- but I didn't worry about it too much. I actually looked forward to finishing an article I'd started that morning. And so, I opened up my laptop and typed away.

6:58 pm

Things started getting weird. We still hadn't moved one inch. And I did have to catch a connecting train at the next station. But it was still early and there would be plenty of alternatives. At least that's what I thought.

7:12 pm

The train starts moving. Finally.

7:30 pm

An announcement on the intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, the train in front of us broke down and we'll have to pick up some of its passengers. This will delay our arrival for 20 more minutes.

In the meantime, the initial nervosity of the people around me had turned into rage, fury, and frustration. Something along the lines of:

I demand to speak to the manager!
or
I have a very important appointment I must not miss!
or
Well, I thought my day couldn't get any shittier but congrats - you proved me wrong!

8:26 pm

We finally reached the next stop. But just as I was checking the next available connecting train to bring me home, I looked at a blank screen. No options available. Which meant I wouldn't be able to get home that night. Now I was also infected by the worries.

But then I realized my grandmother wasn't living too far away. I checked the available trains and... yes! There was still one going there that night. So I called her up, explained the situation, and asked if I could spend the night at her house. "Of course," she said, "I'd love to have you."

10:09 pm

I arrive at my grandmother's house. She's happy to see me, I'm happy to see her, we finally get to catch up. I tell her everything that happened to me and we just laugh about it.

Now, why am I telling you this? Well, I could've easily engaged in a feedback loop of frustration that would've ruined my night (and probably the days after). I could have blamed anything in my way that I'm not making it home and how everything is screwed. And then I could've complained to everyone and hauled them into my whirlpool of wrath.

Or...

I could see the opportunities. Spend the time doing something productive. Enjoy the transfer time by browsing the station's bookstore. Be grateful that I get to see my grandmother.

Don't get me wrong -- sometimes everything sucks and we need to acknowledge that, stand up for ourselves, and do something about it. Yes, sometimes the world is unjust and we have a right to channel our anger. Other times we're powerless and there is no solution.

But 90% of the time, we're confronted with a situation we can't change and think it's the end of the world. How can that be? Who says a delayed train is something bad? I like to imagine there was at least one person on this train, heading to an appointment they dreaded and prayed to miss. For them, this dramatic delay was the best-case scenario.

Funny, isn't it?

There's the event (neutral) and there's our reaction (positive or negative). One of them we can control, the other we can't. As Ryan Holiday puts it in The Obstacle Is the Way:

“There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”

So the next time, you're on a delayed train, stuck in traffic, and other frustrating situations, don't blame the universe. Ask yourself, What am I missing here? How can I use this?

And at the very least, remember that this seemingly bad event spares at least one person of a dire meeting. Maybe that person is you.


Content: Elegy for the Arctic

A few weeks ago, I went to an Einaudi concert, which was a childhood dream come true. Ever since, I've been in an Einaudi fever. I can't stop listening to his music (and playing it myself).

Here's one of the nuggets I re-discovered: Elegy for the Arctic performed in, well, the Arctic!

Listen to it with headphones or a good stereo system. You'll hear the glaciers thundering into the ocean. The sound echoes through every crystal, floe, and snowflake. A bittersweet backing of the soft melody.


Something to think about

This quote by Jean-Jaques Rosseau really got me pondering:

"To live is not to breathe but to act. It is to make use of our organs, our senses, our faculties, of all the parts of ourselves which give us the sentiment of our existence. The man who has lived the most is not he who has counted the most years but he who has most felt life."

From: Emile, or On Education

A 30-second favor

If you enjoyed this edition, share it with others!

You can either forward this email or copy and paste this link: [ARCHIVE URL GOES HERE]

This won't take you longer than 30 seconds, but it'd mean the world to me. 🌍


Until next time,

Stephan


Bonus: friend links to newest blog posts

  1. Why You Should Know the Difference Between Loneliness and Being Alone
  2. How to Reset Your Mind in 10 Days (or Less)
  3. The Quiet Power of Letting Go: How to Finally Stop Clinging to Your Stuff

Thoughtful Thursday | Meditations on The Good Life

by Stephan Joppich

I'm an engineer turned writer turned philosophy student. Join my weekly-ish treasure hunt for ideas that make life a little less sucky. No soulless blah. No advice to get up at 5 am. Just some succinct (and often unconventional) thoughts. New posts every Thursday - if my writer's block allows it.

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